Okay so I went out again tonight and I wanted to write a quick update for everyone!
My panic attacks have been quite frequent the last few days and usually I would break down and hide out in my room but for some reason lately I haven't allowed it to get me down, I have just dusted myself off and carried on.
Anyway today was pretty good I caught up with an old friend we used to spend every day together when we were in school but as we have grown up we see each other a little less, we still share a strong bond though partly because she also suffers from anxiety. After I caught up with my friend for a while I went to go and see my Nana.
My Nana is amazing, she is like my angel seriously I don't know what I would do without her and lately she hasn't been doing too good, she has always been active and independent but she is suffering with her knee at the moment she is awaiting an operation for a knee replacement so she has been stuck in the house and feeling a bit fed up. Which I can totally relate to as I am stuck in the house a lot too. So we decided to take her to the beach tonight for some chips, I was feeling anxious but I managed to deal with it quite well knowing that I had to be there for my Nana to cheer her up.
After we ate our chips and I stood by the beach front for a while we got into the car and headed to the supermarket to pick up some stuff, my family encouraged me to go inside, I got just inside but had to rush back to the car I just wasn't ready for crowds. I felt disappointed but tried not to let it get me down.
Later that night when I got home I had a little nap but my best friend gave me a text and asked if I wanted to go on a walk, we took the dog with us but as soon as we got to the end of my street I froze, I felt a little embarrassed but luckily he was understanding, he walked the dog and I just stood at the end of my street watching, I felt kind of hopeless and really ashamed. After we took the dog home he managed to persuade me to walk further, we walked to the local garage where I bought cigarette papers for my Mum and Dad. I was terrified like I was shaking and my heart was pounding but he kept me distracted we talked about what School was like for us when we were little.
It was good to have someone to push me a little because otherwise I never would have done it, so today I have done pretty well despite some hitches, I am hoping I can continue to keep up the good work.
Emma
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Very well done and it will take time, gaining confidence day by day. There will be some days when you feel worse, then just chill out and wait for when you feel better. I still have days like that and can not go shopping in a large supermarket or go on a train, just a local bus. I had to give up driving 8 years ago after 36 years but hope to get back to it with encouragement from a friend. Friendly support is vital.
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