The following is written by my Mum, she wanted to talk about what it's like having a daughter who suffers with a Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia. Hopefully it will inspire more people to start talking about their problems. Here it is:
All a parent ever wants is to see their children happy and healthy.
When Emma started to suffer from her panic disorder, it was a hard time for the whole family as we didn't really understand and were ill-equiped to deal with the situation. We tried to get help and support for Emma, but no-one seemed really interested. It took almost 2 years to get her counselling, but when she became agoraphobic the battle started again. The 'professionals' didn't want to do a home visit. It took over 7 months for them to agree to come out to see her, and when they did, they said they wouldnt be coming out again as they felt that they would be 'condoning' her not going out....really, thats what they said. I couldnt believe my ears. They had just dumped her, where did I go from here to get her the help and support
she needed. I could have cried.
It was like starting the whole process again. We went back to the doctor, who referred her again, another waiting list....
In December 2009 a visit was made to assess Emma, on leaving the two 'professionals' said they would put Emma..... wait for it.....on another waiting list, which could take 18 months plus. So thats where we are, in the same place as we were 4 years ago...on a waiting list.
In between calling doctors, it was calling the school. The education authority is another service that has let my daughter down.
Emma has always been a very bright girl and went through school in the gifted and talented group. The school promised me that they would organise it for Emma to sit her exams in an environment that she would be happy in. Did they? Of course not. Their excuse, that they couldnt cater for her special needs because of the lack of staff and the facilities.
Next was the prom, the prom that she so wanted to go to, but couldnt. The lead up to this event was very hard for Emma. All of her friends were quite rightly excited, and it was all they talked about on Facebook, Emma was pleased and excited for them too, but angry at herself for not being able to make it outside, to experience this with them. On the night of the prom, as agreed, her best male friend who lives up the road, rang Emma just before he left for the prom. He had promised Emma that he would, so that she would know when he was leaving so that she could look out of the window to see how smart he looked. Emma stood in the porch and they waved at each other. Afterwards Emma cried and cried. It was totally heartbreaking.
There are numerous other situations that Emma has had to deal with which has been really hard on her, and hard for a mother to watch her daughter dealing with them.
What I know now about panic disorders and agoraphobia, I have learned myself, and the support I give Emma, again was learned by trial and error (not the best way, but the only method I had)
Hearing your daughter saying that she cant cope anymore and cant carry on is heartbreaking. Seeing her distressed is unbearable. I feel helpless when I hear her sobbing on the phone when I am at work, as I am unable to give her the big hug that I know she needs. All I want to do is to be able to make it all right for her and to take away her suffering, but I cant, I can only try to support and comfort her to the best of my ability.
I know how hard it has been for you sweetheart but I just wanted to let you know again how proud I am of you; For dealing with this every day, for you putting your real name to the group, for telling the friends that you have been hiding it from, for starting the organisation, and most importantly of all, for being my daughter.
I love you xxxxxxx
Sunday 22 August 2010
The Dangers Of Sweeteners (Aspartame)
This blog essentially is following the same theme as the last one, Sweeteners may also have an adverse effect and contribute to illness here are a couple of links to check out if you're interested:
Emma
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The Dangers Of Caffeine For Anxiety Sufferers.
Here are just a few of the effects that caffeine can cause in the general population:
-- Rapid or irregular heartbeat
-- Restlessness
-- Nervousness
-- Insomnia
-- Flushed face
-- Twitching or trembling
-- Distracted thoughts and speech
-- Physical agitation
-- Nausea
-- Light-headedness
-- Diarrhea
-- Mood swings
-- Restlessness
-- Nervousness
-- Insomnia
-- Flushed face
-- Twitching or trembling
-- Distracted thoughts and speech
-- Physical agitation
-- Nausea
-- Light-headedness
-- Diarrhea
-- Mood swings
Do any of these symptoms sound familiar? That's right. They are "fight or flight" reactions designed to protect you from harm. Excessive amounts of caffeine can trigger the body's fight or flight response even though no real danger exists. This overactive fight or flight response can contribute to anxiety. Caffeine Provokes Anxiety, Insomnia, and Panic Attacks.
Caffeine holds a special danger for anxiety sufferers, and particularly for people with panic disorder. Studies on caffeine and anxiety sufferers have shown that caffeine can:
-- Increase anxiety in anxiety sufferers.
-- Cause insomnia (lack of sleep can promote panic attacks in people that are susceptible to panic attacks).
-- Provoke panic attacks in people that have panic disorder.
Here is the caffeine content of drinks (Thanks Robert) :
My First Panic Attack.
can still remember my first panic attack it was the single most terrifying experience of my life especially because I didn't actually know what a panic attack was. I was 15 and I was at school. I was going to Science with my 2 best friends when all of a sudden I felt very hot and dizzy, the corridor was busy and loud and I felt frightened I grabbed my friends hand and she looked surprised at my behaviour. I rushed into our classroom and took of my jumper desperately trying to cool down. I had no idea what was wrong with me I thought I was going to faint. Inside the classroom I felt disorientated and uneasy I clasped my hands over my ears and closed my eyes trying to calm myself down.
Nobody had any idea what was wrong with me and I just sat there feeling frightened and confused, in the end my teacher sent me to an empty classroom where I sat with one of the science teachers. He asked me what had happened and could it have been an asthma attack and my reply was that I honestly had no idea what had happened to me as it had never happened before.
I left school at lunchtime and I never really went back, I couldn't face it I felt confused, embarrassed and scared that if I did go back to school it would happen again.
Once I stopped going to school slowly I began to stop leaving the house all together, I made excuses to not see my friends, even going as far as purposely falling out with them and cutting them out my life. I felt like a total freak I had no idea what was wrong with me or why I felt frightened to go out and do normal things. I eventually developed Agoraphobia but I will talk about that more in a different post. Anyway I kept getting these sensations but it was happening on a regular basis now I constantly felt sick and tired and on edge, my mum took me to the doctors where he explained that I was suffering from panic attacks.
At the age of 15 I had no idea what a panic attack was and neither did my family which made it hard on all of us trying to deal with what was happening to me. Its been 4 years since my first panic attack and I've had one almost every day since, some are pretty severe and others I can handle with ease. People would think that it would get easier seen as I have had so many and that I would be used to it but the truth is I probably will never get used to it and every time I have one it is just as scary as the first time I ever experienced it.
Emma
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Nobody had any idea what was wrong with me and I just sat there feeling frightened and confused, in the end my teacher sent me to an empty classroom where I sat with one of the science teachers. He asked me what had happened and could it have been an asthma attack and my reply was that I honestly had no idea what had happened to me as it had never happened before.
I left school at lunchtime and I never really went back, I couldn't face it I felt confused, embarrassed and scared that if I did go back to school it would happen again.
Once I stopped going to school slowly I began to stop leaving the house all together, I made excuses to not see my friends, even going as far as purposely falling out with them and cutting them out my life. I felt like a total freak I had no idea what was wrong with me or why I felt frightened to go out and do normal things. I eventually developed Agoraphobia but I will talk about that more in a different post. Anyway I kept getting these sensations but it was happening on a regular basis now I constantly felt sick and tired and on edge, my mum took me to the doctors where he explained that I was suffering from panic attacks.
At the age of 15 I had no idea what a panic attack was and neither did my family which made it hard on all of us trying to deal with what was happening to me. Its been 4 years since my first panic attack and I've had one almost every day since, some are pretty severe and others I can handle with ease. People would think that it would get easier seen as I have had so many and that I would be used to it but the truth is I probably will never get used to it and every time I have one it is just as scary as the first time I ever experienced it.
Emma
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Saturday 21 August 2010
Anxiety Update
Today has been pretty good I've felt a little on edge a few times, but tonight I felt anxious for about 3 hours I kept fighting the anxiety hoping it would pass but surprise surprise it didn't I have just gotten into bed and a pretty sever panic attack hit me. Its kind of confusing because they come from nowhere which I guess is part of my panic disorder but its frustrating because if I don't know why I am having one I find it hard to calm myself down.
Anyway I got all in a frenzy hyperventilating and crying but my dad did some simple breathing exercises with me, he got me a drink and my favourite DVD and I am starting to return to normal although I still feel a little on edge and shaken up.
I have noticed a link between drinking coke and panic attacks I read somewhere that its common for caffeine to have this effect but I will blog about that a bit later on I think it is safe to say that after tonight Diet Coke is a big no go for me!
I am feeling exhausted and mentally drained after that but I just wanted to write a quick blog update while I am in this state of mind.
Emma
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Saturday Morning
The last Blog I posted was about Friday nights and I spoke a little about Saturdays too so I thought I would give an update. I talked about how Saturdays were hard for me but today I am feeling unusually happy and relaxed, its amazing what a good nights sleep can do for your mood.
I got up nice and early which is pretty unusual for me I don't usually surface until after noon, but today I got up around 7 and instead of laying around feeling sorry for myself I decided to do something. So I made myself some breakfast, did a load of washing and had a shower not exactly exciting but it kept me busy and my mind occupied.
I decided that in order to feel good I needed pampering so I gave myself a bit of a make over usually I don't bother but I wanted to feel special so I did my hair, my nails and my make up it took me well over an hour but it was totally worth it because I feel good and ready for the day.
A tip to all you sufferers out there I know how easy it is to hide away in your bedroom and sleep the day away but get up do something, make yourself feel special it is totally worth it!
Girls do a bit of online shopping, take a shower, do your hair or your nails, watch a feel good film or spend some time with loved ones. Guys same applies do what makes you feel good!! If you start the day feeling good your confidence will grow and you can deal with anything the day throws at you.
Its easier said than done I know because I have spent months not bothering with my appearance some days not even bothering to get out of bed. I may not be able to go out with my friends today but I am going to make an effort to talk with my family and have a good time.
I guess this Saturday isn't going to be so bad after all :)
Emma
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I got up nice and early which is pretty unusual for me I don't usually surface until after noon, but today I got up around 7 and instead of laying around feeling sorry for myself I decided to do something. So I made myself some breakfast, did a load of washing and had a shower not exactly exciting but it kept me busy and my mind occupied.
I decided that in order to feel good I needed pampering so I gave myself a bit of a make over usually I don't bother but I wanted to feel special so I did my hair, my nails and my make up it took me well over an hour but it was totally worth it because I feel good and ready for the day.
A tip to all you sufferers out there I know how easy it is to hide away in your bedroom and sleep the day away but get up do something, make yourself feel special it is totally worth it!
Girls do a bit of online shopping, take a shower, do your hair or your nails, watch a feel good film or spend some time with loved ones. Guys same applies do what makes you feel good!! If you start the day feeling good your confidence will grow and you can deal with anything the day throws at you.
Its easier said than done I know because I have spent months not bothering with my appearance some days not even bothering to get out of bed. I may not be able to go out with my friends today but I am going to make an effort to talk with my family and have a good time.
I guess this Saturday isn't going to be so bad after all :)
Emma
xx
x
Friday 20 August 2010
Friday Night
I just thought I would write a blog about Friday nights for me as they are a huge deal. My anxiety for whatever reason always reaches its peak on a Friday night, I think it is because it is when I feel most frustrated. I am 18 and I should really be out with my friends, going for meals or a drink or to see a movie but I'm not doing any of those things. I am stuck in the house and I can only imagine the fun my friends are having.
I try to pass the night watching television and movies but its Friday nights that I feel most lonley. I kind of like to shut myself away in my room and keep to myself most nights but on a Friday I would say I am worse.
It bothers me also because the next day is Saturday and before I was bad Iived for Saturdays, I loved to shop even if I had no money I would spend hours trawling the shops with my best friends trying on clothes I wished I could afford and applying all the testers to my face from the make up counters. Sometimes we would just walk around the local museum and even though I had been there a million times before I always found something new and interesting there.
I hate Saturdays now, from the inside it seems like the sun always shines and I am missing out. I know that shopping isn't important and that I am not missing anything but I feel like I want to be out there in amongst the crowds, people bumping into me and hearing the blur of a million conversation rushing past me.
I try my hardest to fill my Saturdays with fun I usually have a sleepover on the night or do some online shopping but it just isn't the same. To all you agoraphobics out there what day do you miss the most? Because I miss Saturday the most. I can't wait until I get better because I can guarantee I wont spend a single weekend in the house :)
Emma
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I try to pass the night watching television and movies but its Friday nights that I feel most lonley. I kind of like to shut myself away in my room and keep to myself most nights but on a Friday I would say I am worse.
It bothers me also because the next day is Saturday and before I was bad Iived for Saturdays, I loved to shop even if I had no money I would spend hours trawling the shops with my best friends trying on clothes I wished I could afford and applying all the testers to my face from the make up counters. Sometimes we would just walk around the local museum and even though I had been there a million times before I always found something new and interesting there.
I hate Saturdays now, from the inside it seems like the sun always shines and I am missing out. I know that shopping isn't important and that I am not missing anything but I feel like I want to be out there in amongst the crowds, people bumping into me and hearing the blur of a million conversation rushing past me.
I try my hardest to fill my Saturdays with fun I usually have a sleepover on the night or do some online shopping but it just isn't the same. To all you agoraphobics out there what day do you miss the most? Because I miss Saturday the most. I can't wait until I get better because I can guarantee I wont spend a single weekend in the house :)
Emma
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x
Facebook group
Just a quick post to anyone who may be reading, please join my Facebook page and help spread the word.
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=174&uid=149852801707995#!/pages/Support-for-Panic-Disorders-Agoraphobia/149852801707995
Introductions...
I've decided to start this Blog to help people suffering with Panic Disorders. Let me explain...
My name is Emma and I am a teenager suffering with Anxiety and Agoraphobia, I have a panic disorder. Its surprising how many people have never actually heard of this. I have been a sufferer for around 4 years now sometimes it gets better and sometimes it gets worse but for 4 years it has been there. I am still young I am only 18 and I find this disorder disabling it prevents me from doing the usual things people my age do, I dropped out of school and I don't work. I want to go on holiday with my friends or go clubbing but I find those things impossible to do.
I still manage to live a normal life though I have my family and my friends, I still laugh and cry like everyone else. This blog will follow my progress and my feelings in the hope that it will help me come to terms with my condition and help others too.
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