The following is written by my Mum, she wanted to talk about what it's like having a daughter who suffers with a Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia. Hopefully it will inspire more people to start talking about their problems. Here it is:
All a parent ever wants is to see their children happy and healthy.
When Emma started to suffer from her panic disorder, it was a hard time for the whole family as we didn't really understand and were ill-equiped to deal with the situation. We tried to get help and support for Emma, but no-one seemed really interested. It took almost 2 years to get her counselling, but when she became agoraphobic the battle started again. The 'professionals' didn't want to do a home visit. It took over 7 months for them to agree to come out to see her, and when they did, they said they wouldnt be coming out again as they felt that they would be 'condoning' her not going out....really, thats what they said. I couldnt believe my ears. They had just dumped her, where did I go from here to get her the help and support
she needed. I could have cried.
It was like starting the whole process again. We went back to the doctor, who referred her again, another waiting list....
In December 2009 a visit was made to assess Emma, on leaving the two 'professionals' said they would put Emma..... wait for it.....on another waiting list, which could take 18 months plus. So thats where we are, in the same place as we were 4 years ago...on a waiting list.
In between calling doctors, it was calling the school. The education authority is another service that has let my daughter down.
Emma has always been a very bright girl and went through school in the gifted and talented group. The school promised me that they would organise it for Emma to sit her exams in an environment that she would be happy in. Did they? Of course not. Their excuse, that they couldnt cater for her special needs because of the lack of staff and the facilities.
Next was the prom, the prom that she so wanted to go to, but couldnt. The lead up to this event was very hard for Emma. All of her friends were quite rightly excited, and it was all they talked about on Facebook, Emma was pleased and excited for them too, but angry at herself for not being able to make it outside, to experience this with them. On the night of the prom, as agreed, her best male friend who lives up the road, rang Emma just before he left for the prom. He had promised Emma that he would, so that she would know when he was leaving so that she could look out of the window to see how smart he looked. Emma stood in the porch and they waved at each other. Afterwards Emma cried and cried. It was totally heartbreaking.
There are numerous other situations that Emma has had to deal with which has been really hard on her, and hard for a mother to watch her daughter dealing with them.
What I know now about panic disorders and agoraphobia, I have learned myself, and the support I give Emma, again was learned by trial and error (not the best way, but the only method I had)
Hearing your daughter saying that she cant cope anymore and cant carry on is heartbreaking. Seeing her distressed is unbearable. I feel helpless when I hear her sobbing on the phone when I am at work, as I am unable to give her the big hug that I know she needs. All I want to do is to be able to make it all right for her and to take away her suffering, but I cant, I can only try to support and comfort her to the best of my ability.
I know how hard it has been for you sweetheart but I just wanted to let you know again how proud I am of you; For dealing with this every day, for you putting your real name to the group, for telling the friends that you have been hiding it from, for starting the organisation, and most importantly of all, for being my daughter.
I love you xxxxxxx
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