Hiya everyone I have some exciting news for anyone who is interested, well you probably wont find it that exciting but to me it is huge! Anyone who is following my blog or part of my group will know that I am hopefully going to set up an organisation in my home town to support people with anxiety disorders and agoraphobia. Well I have been working pretty hard on it lately getting everything down onto paper and spreading the word and it seems that quite a few people are interested in my idea and think it is great. 2 women passed on their business cards to me and are going to help me get started and today I had my official constitution drafted which was pretty exciting for me! My dad who helps organisations and group gets started showed my ideas to a colleague and she said she would set up a meeting with me to help me get funding so yeah it feels like everything is starting to fall into place. Its a little daunting if I am honest I keep wanting to pinch myself I am only 19 I never ever dreamed I would be doing this kind of thing!
Also I enrolled in a distance learning course, I think it is 12 weeks and it is "Working with people who have mental health issues" which really interests me and will definitely come in handy for my organisation. Anyways enough ramblings from me I just wanted to update everyone.
Emma
xx
x
Friday 17 September 2010
Tuesday 14 September 2010
Feeling emotional.
Hiya everyone, I need to keep on top of my blog I have been letting it slip recently and I feel kind of bad about it. I just wanted to talk about the last couple of weeks for me as they have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster I have had amazing highs and pretty crappy lows it's all been a bit tiring and confusing so I thought I would give everyone an update on what has been going on.
Anyone who has been following my blog will know it was my birthday at the end of last month and there were so many emotions surrounding that day for me anyway I didn't want to be agoraphobic on my birthday and also turning 19 made me realise that the years are literally passing me by and I feel as though I am not moving forward. Anyway my birthday came around whether I liked it or not and I was surprised by how different I felt. My birthday party proved to me that I did have friends and family around who cared for me and it gave me a bit of a boost and from that day I started venturing out more, not without hiccups but I felt a lot braver. I had my family and friends supporting me at all times and I felt on top of the world. Then for no reason I just came crashing back down again.
It was about 11pm and I just felt extremely sad all of a sudden for no reason, I think it might have been because I was on my own again, my family had gone to bed early as they were going back to work and my sister was starting college and I have found that I don't do too well on my own.
From that day on I just felt miserable like I didn't want to get out of bed or see anyone, my best friend even came over until 4am one morning to sit with me but I just couldn't cheer myself up I was feeling angry at myself and let down which made everything seem a lot worse.
I have kind of been up and down now for the last couple of weeks but I am hoping to get back on track again soon I am too determined to give up this time. So that probably explains why I haven't been updating my blog much I have just been going through a bit of a rough patch but I feel better after getting things off my chest.
Emma
xx
x
Anyone who has been following my blog will know it was my birthday at the end of last month and there were so many emotions surrounding that day for me anyway I didn't want to be agoraphobic on my birthday and also turning 19 made me realise that the years are literally passing me by and I feel as though I am not moving forward. Anyway my birthday came around whether I liked it or not and I was surprised by how different I felt. My birthday party proved to me that I did have friends and family around who cared for me and it gave me a bit of a boost and from that day I started venturing out more, not without hiccups but I felt a lot braver. I had my family and friends supporting me at all times and I felt on top of the world. Then for no reason I just came crashing back down again.
It was about 11pm and I just felt extremely sad all of a sudden for no reason, I think it might have been because I was on my own again, my family had gone to bed early as they were going back to work and my sister was starting college and I have found that I don't do too well on my own.
From that day on I just felt miserable like I didn't want to get out of bed or see anyone, my best friend even came over until 4am one morning to sit with me but I just couldn't cheer myself up I was feeling angry at myself and let down which made everything seem a lot worse.
I have kind of been up and down now for the last couple of weeks but I am hoping to get back on track again soon I am too determined to give up this time. So that probably explains why I haven't been updating my blog much I have just been going through a bit of a rough patch but I feel better after getting things off my chest.
Emma
xx
x
Saturday 11 September 2010
Being A Teenager With Agoraphobia
Okay so tonight I am feeling pretty lonely and emotional so I just wanted to write an update while I am in this frame of mind.
Its a Saturday night and I am home alone which doesn't feel too great when you are 19! This is the first Saturday night I have spent alone in months so I guess that is partly why I feel so emotional. I hate being alone because that it when I get thinking about everything about my anxiety and agoraphobia and I try to avoid thinking about those things because if I do I worry that I will actually go crazy! Its pretty hard for me to write this blog because I feel kind of vulnerable I usually don't like people to see that side to me I like to keep up appearances and come across as strong and happy.
I feel frustrated because I want to go out into the world, I want to go back to school and get a job. I want to go on holiday and learn to drive and do everything I want to do but that just isn't an option for me at the moment and I honestly have no idea when I will be able to do all those things. It's just hard being so young and watching your life pass you by.
I am so sorry for the ramblings and I don't want to seem very woe is me but I think we all get days like this. I can't really write any more because I am so anxious and tired and emotional but I will probably extend this blog at a later date,
Emma
xx
x
Its a Saturday night and I am home alone which doesn't feel too great when you are 19! This is the first Saturday night I have spent alone in months so I guess that is partly why I feel so emotional. I hate being alone because that it when I get thinking about everything about my anxiety and agoraphobia and I try to avoid thinking about those things because if I do I worry that I will actually go crazy! Its pretty hard for me to write this blog because I feel kind of vulnerable I usually don't like people to see that side to me I like to keep up appearances and come across as strong and happy.
I feel frustrated because I want to go out into the world, I want to go back to school and get a job. I want to go on holiday and learn to drive and do everything I want to do but that just isn't an option for me at the moment and I honestly have no idea when I will be able to do all those things. It's just hard being so young and watching your life pass you by.
I am so sorry for the ramblings and I don't want to seem very woe is me but I think we all get days like this. I can't really write any more because I am so anxious and tired and emotional but I will probably extend this blog at a later date,
Emma
xx
x
Monday 6 September 2010
Out and About
Okay so I went out again tonight and I wanted to write a quick update for everyone!
My panic attacks have been quite frequent the last few days and usually I would break down and hide out in my room but for some reason lately I haven't allowed it to get me down, I have just dusted myself off and carried on.
Anyway today was pretty good I caught up with an old friend we used to spend every day together when we were in school but as we have grown up we see each other a little less, we still share a strong bond though partly because she also suffers from anxiety. After I caught up with my friend for a while I went to go and see my Nana.
My Nana is amazing, she is like my angel seriously I don't know what I would do without her and lately she hasn't been doing too good, she has always been active and independent but she is suffering with her knee at the moment she is awaiting an operation for a knee replacement so she has been stuck in the house and feeling a bit fed up. Which I can totally relate to as I am stuck in the house a lot too. So we decided to take her to the beach tonight for some chips, I was feeling anxious but I managed to deal with it quite well knowing that I had to be there for my Nana to cheer her up.
After we ate our chips and I stood by the beach front for a while we got into the car and headed to the supermarket to pick up some stuff, my family encouraged me to go inside, I got just inside but had to rush back to the car I just wasn't ready for crowds. I felt disappointed but tried not to let it get me down.
Later that night when I got home I had a little nap but my best friend gave me a text and asked if I wanted to go on a walk, we took the dog with us but as soon as we got to the end of my street I froze, I felt a little embarrassed but luckily he was understanding, he walked the dog and I just stood at the end of my street watching, I felt kind of hopeless and really ashamed. After we took the dog home he managed to persuade me to walk further, we walked to the local garage where I bought cigarette papers for my Mum and Dad. I was terrified like I was shaking and my heart was pounding but he kept me distracted we talked about what School was like for us when we were little.
It was good to have someone to push me a little because otherwise I never would have done it, so today I have done pretty well despite some hitches, I am hoping I can continue to keep up the good work.
Emma
xx
x
My panic attacks have been quite frequent the last few days and usually I would break down and hide out in my room but for some reason lately I haven't allowed it to get me down, I have just dusted myself off and carried on.
Anyway today was pretty good I caught up with an old friend we used to spend every day together when we were in school but as we have grown up we see each other a little less, we still share a strong bond though partly because she also suffers from anxiety. After I caught up with my friend for a while I went to go and see my Nana.
My Nana is amazing, she is like my angel seriously I don't know what I would do without her and lately she hasn't been doing too good, she has always been active and independent but she is suffering with her knee at the moment she is awaiting an operation for a knee replacement so she has been stuck in the house and feeling a bit fed up. Which I can totally relate to as I am stuck in the house a lot too. So we decided to take her to the beach tonight for some chips, I was feeling anxious but I managed to deal with it quite well knowing that I had to be there for my Nana to cheer her up.
After we ate our chips and I stood by the beach front for a while we got into the car and headed to the supermarket to pick up some stuff, my family encouraged me to go inside, I got just inside but had to rush back to the car I just wasn't ready for crowds. I felt disappointed but tried not to let it get me down.
Later that night when I got home I had a little nap but my best friend gave me a text and asked if I wanted to go on a walk, we took the dog with us but as soon as we got to the end of my street I froze, I felt a little embarrassed but luckily he was understanding, he walked the dog and I just stood at the end of my street watching, I felt kind of hopeless and really ashamed. After we took the dog home he managed to persuade me to walk further, we walked to the local garage where I bought cigarette papers for my Mum and Dad. I was terrified like I was shaking and my heart was pounding but he kept me distracted we talked about what School was like for us when we were little.
It was good to have someone to push me a little because otherwise I never would have done it, so today I have done pretty well despite some hitches, I am hoping I can continue to keep up the good work.
Emma
xx
x
Saturday 4 September 2010
Beaches :)
I have to blog about this because I have been feeling on a high ever since it happened. On bank holiday Monday my parents told me they wanted me to try and go out somewhere so I agreed I said I would try but I wasn't promising anything, I picked the beach because I used to go there all the time when I was little so whenever I visit there I have so many fond memories its almost impossible for me to dwell on my fear of being outside.
We went to Roker a quiet beach about 15 minutes from where I live, in the car on the way there I felt quite anxious and uptight but whenever I got scared my Mum and Dad would assure me and I just listened to my iPod. When we got to the beach I totally surprised myself and my parents by getting out of the car and walking along the seafront with my dad to buy us something to eat and drink, I even got up the guts to talk to a couple of complete strangers who were walking their dog, we sat in the car and ate our hotdogs then I decided I wanted to visit the arcade, We went inside and my dad gave me some money to try and win a Teddy bear I probably wasn't inside for very long but to me it felt like a life time I asked my parents if we could leave as I could feel myself getting a little worked up.
My trip to the beach has left me feeling very positive and I just hope that there will be many more times and that one day I will recover from my agoraphobia again :)
Emma
xx
x
We went to Roker a quiet beach about 15 minutes from where I live, in the car on the way there I felt quite anxious and uptight but whenever I got scared my Mum and Dad would assure me and I just listened to my iPod. When we got to the beach I totally surprised myself and my parents by getting out of the car and walking along the seafront with my dad to buy us something to eat and drink, I even got up the guts to talk to a couple of complete strangers who were walking their dog, we sat in the car and ate our hotdogs then I decided I wanted to visit the arcade, We went inside and my dad gave me some money to try and win a Teddy bear I probably wasn't inside for very long but to me it felt like a life time I asked my parents if we could leave as I could feel myself getting a little worked up.
My trip to the beach has left me feeling very positive and I just hope that there will be many more times and that one day I will recover from my agoraphobia again :)
Emma
xx
x
Birthday
I feel awful as I haven't updated my blog at all lately but I have kind of had a pretty full on week. It was my birthday last week and I turned 19 I was feeling really blue about my birthday this year as I hated the idea that I might have to spend it in the house. Luckily I was able to go to my nana's house to see her for a while my Mum drove me, there were a couple of hiccups along the way I had a couple of panic attacks in the car but all in all I think I did pretty well I was quite proud of myself.
On the night I held a party at home for my friends and family which was totally nerve racking I was dreading the fact that my house would be crowded and that I wouldn't be able to get any alone time if I needed it, my house is my safe place and sometimes I am not comfortable with the idea of having a lot of people around, my friends and family insisted and said it would do me the world of good.
I would say my party was quite a success I kept away from alcohol all night though as I wanted to be fully alert but everyone else had a drink and I hope they enjoyed themselves. It was a good night a couple of people commented and told me how proud they were of me as I spent most of the night downstairs mingling however when I did feel nervous I just went to my bedroom for a while and pulled myself together.
I guess I am just lucky that my friends and family are so supportive, they all made such an effort so a quick thank you to everyone who made my day special if you are reading this :)
After my party when everyone was winding down I went on a walk at like 3 in the morning with a couple of my friends, we didn't go too far but I loved it, it was so quiet and peaceful which appealed to me and helped slightly with my anxiety. Anyways I don't want to ramble on too much so I will leave it there, I have so much more to tell you all but that can wait :)
Emma
xx
x
On the night I held a party at home for my friends and family which was totally nerve racking I was dreading the fact that my house would be crowded and that I wouldn't be able to get any alone time if I needed it, my house is my safe place and sometimes I am not comfortable with the idea of having a lot of people around, my friends and family insisted and said it would do me the world of good.
I would say my party was quite a success I kept away from alcohol all night though as I wanted to be fully alert but everyone else had a drink and I hope they enjoyed themselves. It was a good night a couple of people commented and told me how proud they were of me as I spent most of the night downstairs mingling however when I did feel nervous I just went to my bedroom for a while and pulled myself together.
I guess I am just lucky that my friends and family are so supportive, they all made such an effort so a quick thank you to everyone who made my day special if you are reading this :)
After my party when everyone was winding down I went on a walk at like 3 in the morning with a couple of my friends, we didn't go too far but I loved it, it was so quiet and peaceful which appealed to me and helped slightly with my anxiety. Anyways I don't want to ramble on too much so I will leave it there, I have so much more to tell you all but that can wait :)
Emma
xx
x
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