My experience with meds

Before I write this blog I would just like to point out that I will be talking about my PERSONAL experiences with the different medications I have been on. Not everyone will have the same experiences that I had something that works for me may not work for you and vice versa so if you have found the perfect medication or coping mechanism for you DON'T change it just because I say I didn't find it effective.


Right first off I will start by listing the different medications I have been on:

• Fluoxetine (Prozac)
• Amitriptyline
• Citalopram
• Diazepam (Valium)
• Beta Blockers - (although these were prescribed to me I flat out refused to take them.)

I was 14 when I was first prescribed Prozac I have spoke about this in one of my previous blogs so I wont spend too much time discussing it here I will link the other blog at the end of this post if you are interested. Fluoxetine also known as Prozac is an anti-depressant of the SSRI class. I was too young for my GP to prescribe me it so I was sent to a psychiatrist who would be able to prescribe me them after a month of so of therapy. In all honesty I was so young I was pretty against the idea of therapy and pills so foolishly I didn't give it a go properly. I was sure I could go it myself and I was a typical difficult teenager, I missed appointments with my counsellor and I would pop my pill down the toilet or the sink so I didn't see much of an improvement. I think I was young and naive and I truly believed I didn't need help. Howeve SSRI's have actually been my favourite type of medication so far.

I had suffered from depression from a young age but I had never experienced anxiety until I was 15 and I had my first attack in school which scared me enough that I never actually went back to school I dropped out. When I began refusing to leave my bedroom though my Mum called the doctor out and I was prescribed Amitriptyline which is a tricyclic antidepressant (TCA). Once again I was scared about taking medication and I tried to resist but I was so anxious and so low I had to give them a go. I did not like this tablet one bit infact I had such a bad experience with it, I stopped taking meds all together for a really long time. While I was taking these tablets I was constantly asleep I could not physically wake myself up, my Mum came to my bedroom to wake me up one morning and actually got quite frightened by how out of it and unresponsive I was. However I know not everyone is like that on these tablets as my Mum was later prescribed them and they helped her BUT she also found herself falling asleep a lot too. She also struggled with waking up. They left me feeling out of control as I was unable to physically keep myself awake so it made me worse resulting in me refusing to take them or any other medication for that matter.

When I was 16 in 2008 I began to get better I got myself a job working as a receptionist and I even went on 2 family holidays, we didn't leave the country we went camping and to a caravan park but it was amazing to me just being able to go away with my family. As my anxiety subsided I found my depression got worse so I went back to the doctors and this time I was prescribed Citalopram 20mg I spoke to my doctor about my reservations seen as I had such a hard time with the medication I was on before but he assured me it would help so I began taking them. There was a huge change in me as a person I felt optimistic and anxiety free! I even went travelling on my own, I only went to Scotland but I felt so free going away on my own to a different place, ofcourse I got nervous but I don't think I suffered one anxiety attack. Many people commented on how brave it was of me travelling alone at 16 but at the time it felt amazing I don't think I have ever felt so free. Then I made a common mistake I come off my medication believing I was better which was a huge mistake things went downhill from there.

The beginning of this year I had what the doctor called a nervous break down, it happened early hours of the morning and I became hysterical I don't like to talk about it too much because it is upsetting but as soon as the doctors opened my Mum went down and begged someone to come and see me as she was really afraid for me. A doctor came out straight away and had a chat with me, she told me she was going to prescribe me Diazepam (Valium) I was against this as I had heard how Valium would knock you out but I was desperate and I have to say it was the fastest acting medication I have ever taken. Within an hour of taking the first tablet I was sleepy and spaced and anxiety free, I almost felt like I was floating I felt light and weird I wasn't frightened though and I didn't feel worried. I fell in love with Diazepam straight away and I remember getting the best sleep ever with them.

However my family and friends began to get a little concerned as they thought I was becoming a little too dependant on them I was prescribed my Citalopram again but I didn't bother with them aslong as I had my Diazepam I didn't care about the Citalopram. The downside to the Valium was I was constantly a little bit spaced and sleepy. I also found it didn't just take away my anxiety it took away all my emotions I kind of felt numb on these tablets. A psychiatrist came to visit me at home and decided to stop the Diazepam as she felt I was getting a mental addiction.

Now I am on Citalopram and I think I have finally found the best medication for me! The first week on my new meds was hell, I felt dizzy, sick, exhausted, spaced out and generally not myself I begged my Mum to let me come off them but she told me to stick in as it would be worth it and I am so glad I did. I started out on 10mg as going straight in with 20mg can worsen anxiety. The only side effects I know of on Citalopram is sleepiness which I do suffer from but that is a small price to pay. I know atleast 4 other people also on Citalopram and it works wonders for them too! It really is the best for me as there aren't a lot of side effects and it is effective for me. 

If you are starting out on Citalopram and you feel awful I urge you to hang in there! The one week of hell is worth it in the end.

Let me know what you think of this blog!!!! 

Emma

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Anxiety & Medication

The following website has a LOT of useful information about medication, I thought it would be easier to post the link rather than copy and paste the information and pass it off as my own work :http://www.healthyplace.com/anxiety-panic/anxieties-site/common-medications-for-anxiety-disorders/menu-id-1201/ 

I hope this is helpful for those who are wanting to explore the different types of medication. 

Emma

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Is medication the answer?

Medication seems to be a really sensitive subject when I discuss anxiety, depression and agoraphobia with other sufferers, some people swear by it and others will avoid it at all costs but is it really the miracle cure we are looking for?!


I know when I first got diagnosed with depression I was very young I had just turned 14, the doctor wanted to prescribe me anti-depressants but because I was so young he had to send me to a psychiatrist in order to monitor how I was doing and to make sure medication was the right solution. I remember being totally horrified at the idea of being on anti-depressants so young I was worried how it would affect me and I worried that the other kids at school would think I was a freak. I was dead set against taking them but my Mum and Dad urged me to give it a shot as they wanted me to get better.


What do you think about children being prescribed anti-depressants? Do you believe it is wrong. I know when I was younger and a little more innocent I disagreed with it totally, I made my Mum's life a living hell I would pop the pill down the sink or toilet and say I had taken it so to be honest I never really gave it a chance as it never really got into my system.


I know some people who aren't educated when it comes to mental health problems look down their nose at those using medication to help them but the way I see it, why not? If it helps then great everyone is entitled to their own way of coping.


I have been prescribed many different tablets and I have had a horrible time with some, which put me off trying new tablets. The doctor prescribed me beta blockers and I flat out refused to even try them. Have any of you taken beta blockers, what is your opinion on them?


This year I have suffered really bad with my anxiety and eventually it got so bad I was willing to try anything so I decided to go back onto my medication, I am on citalopram 20mg but they started me out on 10mg so I could ease myself into the tablet. I have to say it is one of the best things I have ever tried it seems to have completely changed me as a person, I don't get so depressed any more and my panic attacks are quite rare, although that being said I am still completely agoraphobic I still fear the idea of going outside as I worry that I might have a panic attack and not be in a safe environment.


For those of you who don't want to take medication at all I don't disagree with your choice as doing something such as taking a tablet when you are not comfortable with it could make the anxiety worse! What tips do you use to cope? 


I have discovered  a website through one of the members of my support page on facebook, there are 2 free downloads an ebook and an audio recording I recommend anyone reading this to go check it out, as it has helped me and it is support for those who wish to keep away from medication:


http://www.nprtreatment.com/


As always let me know your thoughts :)


Emma
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Being Agoraphobic and independent

I just wanted to post a blog on this topic and I want to hear your feedback too! I have been thinking a lot lately about my agoraphobia and the main thing I hate about this illness is that I feel as though I am too reliant on others! 


For example yesterday night I was staying over at my Nana's house which is a huge step for me and I know I must be on the road to recovery as at the beginning of this year I would never have dreamt of spending a night anywhere other than my own house! Anyway some of you know I have been feeling a little under the weather lately and in the end I had to get my Mum to come pick me up at 11:00pm because I couldn't cope with being poorly at someone else's house. This left me feeling really emotional and embarrassed because I can't help but feel that at 19 I should be able to cope with these things and I shouldn't need my Mum to come and get me.


That is just one example of how I feel I have lost my independence, I feel like a baby sometimes and that I need to be looked after a lot. Does anyone else feel this way? Before I was agoraphobic I used to just get on with things, I even travelled to Scotland alone when I was 16 something I wouldn't dream of doing now! 


I was just wondering if it was common for people with Agoraphobia to feel a loss of independence and identity because I know I feel that way. Let me know and feel free to share any of your own thoughts or stories :)


Emma
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Where has Emma been?

Hiya everyone, I know it has been a while since I did a blog post. In fact it has probably been a while since any of you heard from me. I know I have some of you added to my personal Facebook and so I am able to chat to you but a lot of people don't have my Skype or Facebook added so I felt I should do this blog to explain what has been up with me lately. 


Okay, so a couple of weeks ago I made 2 video's and uploaded them to my youtube channel, I got really positive feedback so I decided to make it a regular thing, I promised you all I would continue to make my videos but I didn't stick to that so I apologize. Some of you may know I had my lip pierced and it became very swollen and bruised so I was unable to talk hence I didn't make a video. My lip is back to normal now luckily. 


I suffer from depression as well as anxiety and although my anxiety has improved so much lately I feel as though I have been a little more depressed than usual, I think this is down to my sleeping patterns. It is no secret that I struggle so much with my sleep, I will stay up until 8am then sleep all day and my cycle will be turned upside down totally. When this happens I tend to become more depressed as I am spending all of my time alone in my room not talking to many people. I don't get to see daylight either because I sleep all day and when I wake up it is dark which obviously doesn't help.


With my depressive episodes I shut people out too, I don't really speak to anyone which is why I haven't been keeping up with my group, although there is no excuse. I am still feeling pretty down at the moment but I have these kinds of episodes where I become depressed but it never lasts forever. I promise to make a video ASAP and to get myself back on track.


So yeah the only reason for this blog was to kind of explain where I have been. Sorry everyone and I hope you all know you can inbox me, email me, message me anytime you need me. I promise to get back to my group and get everything running again.


Thanks for reading this and having patience with me,


Emma
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Another successful day :)

Well I have been out again today I woke up this morning feeling ready to go! My Mum and Dad haven't been too well lately my Dad has a chest infection and my Mum has a really bad cold I don't think they would have gone out if I hadn't of asked so I am really grateful especially how they kept smiling and cheerful all day when I could tell they were really ill, so Mum, Dad if you read this I love you and thanks for supporting me :)


Okay so that's the soppy stuff out the way I know you all want to know how it went for me so I am going to tell you. We got in the car to go to Currys for those of you that don't know what that is its this kind of big store that sells all kinds of appliances, from laptops to cookers it sells a lot of pretty cool stuff. I had decided I wanted to go there because I can't afford a laptop at the moment but I had heard you can get them on credit which is ideal for me making small monthly repayments. There is no way I could live without my laptop it is my lifeline to the outside world on those days I can't get out and I have grown to love my Facebook group I care about every one of my members and I love reading your little comments on my page and hearing how you are all doing. So when I told my Mum and Dad this they thought it was best if they took me ASAP to get my laptop. 


I picked the laptop pretty much as soon as I got through the door I spotted it, it is quite girly which I like! So choosing what I wanted didn't take too long it was getting the credit check that took forever. I was really worried about this because I knew I would have to sit in the middle of this shop for however long it would take and that made me really nervous. My Mum gave me her car keys and told me if I needed to leave I could go at any point which helped a lot. My Mum and Dad took it in turns to sit beside me and the girl who served me was great she was very friendly which put me at ease. I was telling her about my course and my Facebook page and she thought it was a great idea.


Anyway there was a few technical difficulties so I was there a lot longer than I anticipated and my parents were really shocked by how chatty and laid back I was, I didn't break a sweat once or have my heart race it was fantastic. I never once thought I would be sat in the middle of a huge busy shop on a Saturday without batting an eyelid!


After we got the laptop sorted my Dad wanted to have a look at some DVDs so we drove to blockbuster which is on the other side of the water so it's quite a distance away from Currys I was nervous but thought I might aswell give it a go. I surprised myself further by going into Blockbuster and actually leaving my Dad to wander off on my own. We didn't buy anything and my Dad was starting to feel really sick from the antibiotics so we decided to head home, on the way we had to stop off at a little shop so my Dad could get some water he is really poorly at the moment and I worry about him! Luckily though he wasn't sick :) We decided instead of cooking we would get a McDonalds to celebrate how well today has went. So as we arrived at McDonalds I went off to the cash machine on my own to take out some money, it felt so good walking on my own with my head held high I didn't want to get back in the car!! lol


So today has been pretty successful I would say and I am so thankful to everyone who leaves me supportive and encouraging messages it really helps me and keeps me going.


Emma 
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Going out, Course & An embarrassing subject.

I know it has been a long time since I wrote a blog, well it feels like it has been a long time mind you I have been all over the place a bit lately it seems to be just one thing after another, I am not going to complain though because I have been feeling a lot more positive. Okay so here are some of the things that have been going on with me at the moment;


As you all know I was given double the dosage of my tablets at first it was a nightmare I felt dizzy, tired, sick and fed up it was horrible I wanted to stop taking the tablets but my Mum urged me to continue taking them and I did, it was worth a shot I mean I couldn't possibly feel any worse and I was still going to have my anxiety either way so I stuck with it and I am glad I did. For all of you out there who feel worried about taking new tablets and the side effects stick with it because the outcome is worth the first few weeks of sickness or extra anxiety or whatever. 


Ok girls this is a bit of an embarrassing subject but I find that my anxiety goes through the roof when I get my PMT right before my period, does anyone else find this? If you do please let me know! Well surprisingly this month I haven't had that at all I feel pretty ok which has surprised me and my Mum. So any of the girls reading this who have the same problem I urge you to please see your doctor I know how awful it was for me and the improvement in 3 weeks is amazing.


My course material arrived in the post yesterday I had to do a case study as a kind of test to see if I am suitable for the course I am very nervous but I have completed it and am quite pleased with my work. 


I told my Mum I needed her to post it for me and she suggested that I post it myself so we got in the car to pick my dad up from work. My dad works in the town centre so I always get kind of nervous heading into town because it is usually crowded and the roads are busy, today was no exception there was a lot of traffic because everyone was heading home from work and school. I felt a wave of anxiety come over me and somehow I managed to fight it off, the anxiety just left and I knew I could do it. I even got brave enough and walked to my Dad's work from the car park on my own, I stood in the waiting room for a while waiting for him to finish and he was so shocked to see me there it was such a great feeling!


We got back to the car and I felt strong so on the way home when my parents stopped at the green grocers for some fruit and veg I decided to go into the shop with them and again I was ok. I wont say that I wasn't nervous or worried but I managed to keep myself composed which was amazing to me. 


We live right by a shop and pharmacy and there is a post box outside so we stopped off on the way home so I could post my letter I even popped into the corner shop to buy myself some sweets and a bottle of water my Mam and Dad were really proud of me because I even struck up a conversation with the woman who works in the shop they said it was nice to see me being so social.


Anyway, I have just had my tea and I am watching some television now so I just wanted to let everyone know what I had done, I think my friend Lisa is coming to spend the night with me too which will be nice, feel free to comment or whatever :)

Emma 
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